As If You Have A Choice

So yeah its been a year, but stuff going on so haven't the time. But i will be back soon to tell all, but for now i saw this on Facebook and changed it a lil to fit me. So enjoy...or not

I've had a crush on you for a while now, six months plus.

You've made me happy and sad. Made me jump up and down.

To be honest, its because I always knew id probably have a chance.

Talking to you makes me feel comfortable, I feel like I can tell you anything. 

Whatever I tell you, no matter what it is I know it will stay a secret.

 I feel like I can be myself around you, don't have to pretend to be something I'm not

Your not perfect though, you did do something wrong- you made me like you.

You lead me on and showed me how amazing you are, you didn't do it on purpose.

I don't think you knew you were doing it, but I still want you.

You don't leave my thoughts, day & night and in my dreams. You're always there.

I know this sounds cheesy but you mean a lot to me, I know you know that.

I don't care that you may never want me like I want you, you want my company and that's enough.

I will always care about you and always have feelings for you. Ill never stop having these feelings

I don't know how to and better yet, I don't want to.

Long Lost Glory

Feel so alone



No one is here. No one will ever be

Everyone always leaves

Who Needs Me..?

Before i start i don't want it to seem like every post i do, is a depressing "woe is me" post. I just have a lot of things to say and at the moment , they aren't all cheery and joyful

I know there is tons of people that have had truly traumatic things happen to them and are changed forever because if it. I'm not trying to say I'm like them, but I'm such a different person than i was last year. So much has happened to make me the person i am now. I don't like him very much.

I used to be the type of person who would be friendly with anyone, i wouldn't be the most popular person  but i had enough friends. I enjoy other peoples company as long as they're interesting. But now I'm kinda wary on becoming friends with anyone, like its better than being a loner but I'm always on my guard and look forward to getting away from them. I question why they would want to be friends with me, or I'm looking for whats in it for them. All they might want is a friendship, but it takes me a while to see that, they have some mental hoops to jump through. Even then I'm still wary.

This kind of steams of the above. But the people in my life, the ones i care about, they are the only ones now. No newcomers. No back trackers. I would let anyone in and they could stay for as long as they (or i) wanted. The only way to describe me now is like there is an actual wall round my heart. Those that are behind it are with me for keeps, those in front have a very long wait before i could even begin to consider letting them in.
There is two holes in the wall, from escapees. One isn't that big but still weakens the wall, its repairable. The other one is pretty big. Its threatening everything i hold dear and it might be possible that i need to reinforce it. Get a guard dog, maybe two. I need to protect myself, i cant let him back in. No matter what happens in the future you're never getting back in. Ever.

One small problem, there is a third person. He is very important to me and i don't think I'm in any worry of loosing him. But I'm scared i might. I don't think i could handle more loss, especially not him. I'm just clinging on as it is...and that's a struggle. Again i don't think i am in danger of it happening, but i thought that about the other two too.

I don't seem to care about my own welfare anymore, I'm looking for anyone near me for a bit of fun. I am willing to meet anyone, for anything. Like i was never into slagging round, but its nice to feel wanted and sex is always fun! I know i shouldn't be saying that, but i like putting myself out there. The attention i get back is something i cling to and don't want to let go! Its like a drug and i love it

I don't want to stay this cold, detached and uncaring person. I don't like them people. I want to be able to listen to someone talk and actually listen, to want to have an interest in them. How am i meant to find someone, if i feel like i cant trust anyone anymore.

~danis

Dreams That Slip Away, Forever

....."I feel like everybody's standing around me watching me" 

I feel an ache in my bones, my stomach is turning and by the time she reaches the chorus, i have knot so big I'm afraid it will rip and my heart beats faster than it should.


Yeah the inevitable happened and sure why wouldn't it? Its not like i deserve any happiness, especially not this week. Aidan tells me that i have to pick myself up after and try my best to move on, but its difficult to pick up when there is someone/thing that will knock them down. The pieces can stay there until i know its safe....until i know I'm safe.

I know there is tons of other people worse of than me, and in much more pain than i am. The latter i can definitely account for. But I've never had such a bad year in my life....ever! This is someone whose had minimum 10 operations for three different reasons, before i was 10. Whose parents couldn't bare to be in the same room not even for me sometimes. Who lost an uncle, really suddenly and grandfather to cancer all in 18 months. Then school and all it had to offer me. Even there i was full with distraction and fighting my own demons about them distractions.


But this year has been the worst, too much has happened and i don't know how to cope with it properly. I know how I'm coping with it is wrong and i should stop, but i cant...its the only thing helping me. When i started college last year i was 73kg (near 11.5 stone) and this year I'm 63kg(just scraping 10 stone). I already had an unhealthy relationship with food, but this year just exacerbated it. I go to bed hungry some nights and I'm happy about that, planning to skip break fast and have very little dinner. Its not a pretty circle.

Also, I've been having these thoughts, not suicidal but i dunno self harm ones? Ill explain. Say if i see a car coming towards me, i think i wonder how much id be hurt if i stepped out. Not to kill myself but just enough to feel some pain other than I've been feeling. Same for a knife or i do be thinking about ways to break my arm or leg. I just think i want to stop feeling like i am right now...a distraction at my own expense.

So on that cherry note, I'll leave til next time. Off to text Aidan and Trevor till either one of them falls asleep....or i do!
~danis

PS I do apologize for the depressing post, would like to have a happy one. Fingers crossed til i do ;)

Who are you?!

Im done! Not having anything to do with him anymore, he will not be allowed back in my heart. I dont know what will happen in the future, but right now i never want to see him again.

Unfortunately for him, this is a small town and he will be getting some verbal abuse from me and eveyone else that cares for her, and thats a whole lot more than can be said for him. 

I want to hit him

Dont dare come back...

~danis

Your Name...!

How are you meant to stop thinking about someone when your head is constantly reminding you!
You try to keep busy and when your distracted enough, your heart notices your not in pain and then it decides "Remember, just for a sec". Then it starts. Pain all over. Make it stop. Please

How do think i feel when you did what you did and then do that? Do you think I'm that stupid that i didn't know anything? I may give off this naive, confused look but i notice everything and everyone. You said you liked that, called me weird. It was how i knew you cared, or so i thought...

All i did was like you and i thought you did the same, how wrong was i? Very!

I think I'm ok, because I couldn't have liked you that much, right? Well when it hits me, i feel like crumbling. I'm used to hiding everything and pushing it away, doing it for quite a while but this is hard. I need to stop thinking of you, reminding myself of you. I'm hurting myself as much as you did....probably more.

But i cant help myself, I'm doing it to remind myself that i am actually alive inside. I'm not dead, not on the outside. Not yet anyway.

If your looking for me, I'm in a whole. Waiting. Just waiting for it to stop

...Thought Of Me?

Been a while i know! Turning into one of the people that only blog when theres a blue moon or a flying pig...oink!

Im confused...

So now theres two of them, I told ya about Ste....well now theres Aidan. Hes not just some random one, he was the first lad that i was texting and organising to meet and i dunno..maybe he is a bit special?

Aidan is a real different person now, like hes telling me things that i didn think he could or ever say before. Hes more open with himself and who he is, which is pretty cool :)

But then there's Ste...i like him, i mean i like like him! He may not be as open feelings wise but i dunno, theres something about him that makes me want to keep texting him...

Its his birthday on the 10^th (week away as of tonight!) and he is going up to Dublin for the night and has invited me too. Im looking forward to it, even tho this is our second time meeting. Texting near 10 weeks so feels like i already know him, so wont be as weird as it should be....right? Also if i still have enough money ,im thinking of going back to Tullamore with him for the night after. He doesnt know that yet tho ;)

Theres a festival on back home and Aidan is coming up for it, our mutual friends invited him up, so will be meeting him too. But for the “first time” and swear even thinking about it, i dunno how im not gunna start laughing. Im gunna slip up and call him Aidan...everyone calls him Fitzy, which i hate!! There also may be some fun going on with him that week too...maybe ;)

Also hes got a kinda boyfriend, who like him is bi and not out and they are planning to go to Paris at the end of the month. Only going out for 6 weeks...that not kinda sudden?

Last note on the boys Ste is single and Aidan is kinda taken, surely its not much of a choice right? How am i ok to be the other person with Aidan...the right choice is Ste, not that simple; Head says left, heart says right!

I have a problem...

Right as ya kinda guessed, i could be getting some kinda action in he next few weeks....cue the press-ups, crunches, etc.

Not to go into too many details but, i experienced something that i wouldnt want anyone to have to suffer, but while that was going on i had a kinda fuck buddy type friend. To me i kept the two things seperate because i wanted the fuck buddy, but the other thing i didn. Even tho after a while i started to look forward and want it....which i am still disgusted by. Where im going with this is that that stopped when i was 16 and ever since i havnt ever been intimate with anyone. Maybe i needed time to myself and deal with feelings i was having...i dont know. But the thought of doing anything with either of them both excites and terrifies me.

I want them...god sometimes the things Aidan says, i wish he was here doing me! But when it gets down to it, will i be able to? What if i cant because im scared what will happen, i remember things id rather forget and start to freak out? Its not something that you can easily slip into conversation, im just a little nervous of what i will do. Im seriously thinking of getting absolutely drunk in Dublin, so if something does happen i can blame the drink or i can be so pissed that i dont care whats happening round me.

Anyway thats all for now guys....back soon

~danis

Damn, Damn....You Were Here

Back, told ya i would be ;)

Ehh full on week, lotta work and an overactive mind!

Monday was the start of mam's three-day week so she was home, its nice to have her here more often..just pity its because of bad reasons :/ So day was me battering down over-grown nettles at the back of the back garden....i got stuck, all over!! But gotta say its great for letting out some built anger, which i have a lot of! After that pretty normal boring day, whats new on a Monday?

Tuesday was slightly better, with the sun beaming down on me! Epic fella that sun god...thanks Apollo, yup thanking the Greek Gods hah. Ehh had to paint the fence that surrounds the garden, thats a lot of fence! I'll try and get pic, and what happened to me....fricking nettle stuck me, came outta nowhere. Just not my friends :(

Today (Wednesday) was finishing off the fence, yeahh it took that long :/ Then my granny comes up with the great idea to paint the decking with the paint left over!! Now i love her but i swear sometimes she knows shes a pain and does stuff like this deliberately, so i did the decking...including the floor with a brush for painting a walll. My back is in bits :(
Thats all so far for the week so far, but more to come as i dive into the twisted, confused place that is my head ;)

Im beginning to hate myself....my body is so manky! Like i know im not huge but i dont like how i look. Since July started ive but on 3kg (just near half a stone) and i hate that! Im edging near and near to 70kg and i dont like that. Im starting to not eat and only eat small things, not eating my whole dinner and fasting for ages...think its the only way i can lose anything. Like today, had breakfast at 11, avoiding white bread i had rice krispies and tea. Then had dinner at 4, took half of the potatoes and ham off the plate and ate only half of what was there, havent had anything since which im very proud of :) Been drinking tea when ever im hungry, and its seems to be helping! yaaay hah :D

Ehh something iv only become aware of recently...i seem to be becoming very paranoid with people. Like what there real intentions are with me, why are they friends with me or in the case of others why are you interested in me...how could you be?!? Ive never felt like this, i always liked making new friends and like its fun to have someone to just talk to, but now its like im having a debate in my head why "insert name here" is friends with me/likes me.
Thinking about it, suppose ive reason for feeling like this...having a father who isnt really there and seems to be there out of obligation rather than wanting to be and then having a father figure who abandons us could be having a bad effect on me! :/

Well thats all for the mo, give ya some muzak to listen to whilst reading ;)

Avril Lavigne...got the album Goodbye_Lullaby and loving it, might sound cliche but, some of the songs really speak to me :D

Anyways over and out

~danis

Highway To....Somewhere?

Ok so yeah im like the worst person, I really do miss this and go through the day thinking  "should put this in the blog" and then forget or am too tired to remember...I sowwy guys! :( Will give y'all a run-down on my life since....erm...April?? (thats baaaad!)

Ehh college came and went, dragged more like but got through it with the intent of college in Sligo but thats now on the back boiler for at least a year...unless i get some kinda miracle! Yeah so another year here in Cavan....again

On the whole Deb & Paul situation, been pretty much the same and hes not coming back. I dont know how everyone else really feels about it, but for me if he did come back after 9 months i wouldnt want anything to do with him. Hes a stranger to me, only seem to see him every 5-6 weeks..if im lucky. So big changes here, maybe for the best??

Oh for the past week ive had the house to myself as they went on holidays and my dad also, randomly, went away same week so was truly on my own....loved it!! :) I was dog sitting but there was aunts house, so they were dumped there when annoyed with them hah. Loved being on my own...best company is yourself (tho not all the time) and making me want to move away from home so bad!! Alas i have keine geld *money* so cant be doing that...just dont think i can handle another year with granny and mam is now on three-day-week so tensions will be even heightened :/

But its not all doom and gloom with me, i do have news of great bounty ;) haha
I have met someone...now its not the most simple of relationships really,  kinda like a long-distance one...were neither of us has any way to see the other :S But somehow we are still texting, every day from when we wake to sleep...for the past 6 weeks (actually 6 weeks today!), i guess that means he likes me...right? Yeahh and i like him and all :P
 Like i know this will sound but i really mean it..... he really is the best thing thats happened to me in so long. Had such a crappy year and its refreshing to talk to someone who seems to like me for me....even if he does live in Offaly! Those that dont know...thats near 2 hours away and no direct way for us to get to each other. Tho upside....has like the sexiest accent, love talking to him ;) lol

Anyway all for now...heres whats playing on my ipod atm, depressing i know!! Bad timing lol
Laters :)
~danis

Yeah I Know...!

Whoa...yeah last post exactly 2 months ago, thats not good is it?!

Well this is short and simple one for the moment as dont have enough time to write my usual blah blah :P But either tomorrow or the next day i will update you about the past two months...and there is a lot! 


But for now thats all so love ya and leave ya ;)

~danis

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Into Flames

Doesnt feel like two days since my last post, oh well.

I forgot to mention in the last post, Niamh was in hospital again! *FYI Niamh is my surrogate sister with Cystic Fibrosis, and is regularly in and out of hospital* Shes home now, but i always get down when she goes into hospital...anytime shes got a chest infection, cold, flu. Unfortunately with CFers is quite often and i think cos im older and more aware of what is happening to her. Also thinking a lot about what is going to happen to her if she doesnt get a transplant when she needs it, which isnt just yet...thank god!

Billy sitting on his bench!

Anyway on Sunday, i spent bit with my wee nephew. Hes just over 18 months and is getting to grips the whole walking thing. Brought him to the field behind us and said hi to the horsies :) Then tried him walking with just one hand (usually has to hold on with both hands) and he was flying! Kept encouraging him, telling him he was such a clever boy and isnt Billy a big boy...usual you tell a 18 mnth toddler, but when i was saying it he kept looking up at me laughing and smiling!! Was so giddy and so happy he was having fun with me, haha. At the park he had to go over to each of the three benches and hit them, climb up and look around and moving on...lil fool haha

Monday, that was college. Went to labs and handed up by project and started our next experiment: making soap! We were making soap from different oils and fats by using a reflux method...actually more fun than it sounds :P So far making soap out of Olive Oil, Sunflower Oil, Pig Fat and other things you didnt think made soap :S Basic boiling it in a water bath, watching the temp doesnt go past certain point and thats it...simples. Spent most of the day with Sophie, friend from class who was au pair-ing (thats a word, right?) in spain about three weeks ago. The family were really mean, locking her in her room, not feeding her and the dad was abit of a perv. So was her first day back and was just catching up and checking how she was...usual yano? :P

Today, tuesday was its usual drag. Start of with biology, which i love and always have loved!! So nice start, then drove to McD's for the 2 hour break...pretty sweet so far. Then the class after the break was H&S, which is the tutor that didn want to meet me *If you dont know what im on about, check last 2-3 posts ;)* Anyway i couldnt stand having to see her again, cos im sure she will be asking where ive been for the past 2 weeks and i will tell her....but also might say something i later regret, need to cool off! All she had to do was meet me and i would have told her all...but now unless she asks again she gets nothing off me!
Tonight was pretty interesting, no matty or charlie as they are making history by going to some sports thingy ball. But the biggie is they are the first gay couple to go, matt was nervous when i was talking to him earlier today, will be nothing to Mr. Bond ;) Also talking to this new fella, Daniel (awesome name i know!) from Scotland...very funny lad and says the weirdest things. Dont worry, you're not being replaced...he has a normal sleep pattern and left me at half 12! Not hardcore like us, right Matty? :P

Think thats all for the min, happy normal post...dont do many of them! Back later with more...maybe?
~danis

Remember The Rain Like You

Remember the time change peeps ;) Its now 03.57 (but really 02.57 so its all good)

Finally listening to Adele, my god shes some singer and some of her songs i feel like i can relate to her, that sounds so gay! haha

Anyway, on to more pressing matters. remember i asked my tutor for a talk to explain why i couldnt do the presentation and tell her the stuff thats happening at home and stuff. Well she didnt even bother to turn up...waited 15 minutes for her and nothing!! I felt so sick the whole hour before and was even started to shake while i was waiting, i was so annoyed and disappointed.
I know she doesnt know the kind of stress im under and the amount of effort it took me to go look for her but im so pissed at her. Charlie spent half the night convincing me to email her and then telling me it was the right choice an all....nah im not doing it again, the unnecessary stress over a worthless certificate. It was a major set back for something that i thought was a baby step forward...

On a lighter note, the past week has been awesome!! (weather wise) On thursday, me and four friends from the class bought four tubs of Ben and Jerry's and had like pass the parcel of ice cream in the sun....loved it. Just sitting in the sun, ice cream and talking random nothingness was exactly what the doctor ordered. Of course sitting out in the sun, even for four hours, i got burnt :S Nice red head and sunburnt nose, and the usual farmers tan on the auld arms...usual with me :D

Have decided to have a more positive attitude, call it my April Wish if you must, and im gunna start get the ball rolling;

• Uni in england, where, what and when
• Contact uni for entry requirements- LC, FETAC, Points
• Find out information about the colleges- Matty, Charlie
• Find out about the one i really like- Aisling
• Get a job, save for the year and be able to go over the pond
• Stop watching Time Team...making want archaeology more and more!! haha
• Try and talk to someone, get my baby steps started
• Check out that mole on my leg that bothers me
• Smile and be happy

Think thats all, leave some Adele for ya ;)

Someone Like You, that BRITs performance 

Set the Rain on Fire, best song on the album i think :)

~danis

Time for Change?

Dedicating this to Charlie Grange....hero after last night, listening to my ramblings and the advice. Also apologizing for the message, was a shock and made me sick...no harm intended, k? :) 

After reading that last post, and god i sound angry! I don't actually remember writing the post but reading it, i can definitely see i was really down

See i am feeling a bit, for lack of a better word, ugh...

Everything is just getting on top of me, am not dealing with it as i should but i don't know how to deal with it.

Last week was the worst week in a long time; my granny was in hospital for a mini-stroke and my dad didn't even tell me! My mams friend mentioned to her and that's how i found out, what kinda of way was that to be told. First thing i thought of was how my grandfather went into hospital at the same time with a mini-stroke and died of cancer five months later. Then to top of the week, Paul went to London for a weekend and didn't bother to tell anyone, even Deb...why did he do something like that? Why couldn't he just ring her and tell her, not that hard to do!! 

I just, feel so trapped, i am being attacked from all around and i cant defend myself...how do i cope, why do i have to cope?? Why cant i just fall apart...

I have all these stresses on my head and i cant deal with them, I'm finding it hard to deal with just one!

College isn't helping, i have so many assignments and i cant keep up with them. I have a presentation to do on sleep disorders, and usually i don't like doing presentations at all but because it was on something i can relate to i was going to try...but i cant. This is something that is adding to my near breaking load and its the only one i can remove.

I was talking to Charlie about it last night and he was an immense help to me, he told me to talk to someone about it and that i shouldn't keep it all bottled up....i know all this but i find it so hard to tell strangers stuff like that and id rather keep quiet and carry on. He was actually class to talk to about it, and i was happy i said something and even though i didn't want to email my tutor, he kinda helped me understand that they need to know. So i did...even though i regretted as soon as i sent it , so she emailed me back to arrange a meeting and i nearly vomited (which explains that message Charlie...sowwy!!)

At the moment the lotto here is heading for quite a big sum of money and if i won, the way i feel right now, i would get the hell out of here and never look back. I just feel like i need to escape, i need to get away from all this worry...the stress...everyone! I just feel down all the time and maybe i do need some help to deal with it...how/where do i get it??

~danis

Me

Angry
Confused
Hurt
Upset
Sad
Annoyed
Disillusioned
Hurt
Want to punch something
Want to punch someone
Want to cry
Want to shout
Want to run away
Want to forget
Want someone to make it better
Want to go back to when everything was normal
Hurt
Want to escape
Need someone
Want to lock the door
Need to feel something else
Need not to want to feel like this
Angry
Hurt
Want to curl up and forget
Want to not be me
Want it to be all a dream
Want to throw something
Confused
Want my life back
Want to not want to want so much that will never happen
Want everything to go back to normal
Want to forget
Want to live my life
Want to be rid of all this stress
Want someone
Want to be responsible for just me
Want someone to ask me how i am
Want to forgive
Want to be able to forgive
Want to hate
Want to love
Want to feel something else
Want a good day
Want a good week
Want a good month
Hurt
Angry
Confused
Want to leave
Want to be independent
Want to be alone
Want better friends
Want to be anonymous
Want to stand out
Want to blend in
Want something better
Want MY life back
Want that split second when you wake up and forget to last all day, all week, all month
Want to be heard
Want to be seen
Want to stop hurting
Want to feel good about myself
Want to stop thinking about others and think about me
Want to be able to cry
Want to be able to get angry
Want to be able to talk freely
Want to hate you so much but i cant
Want everything to go back to the way they were
Want to never forget
Want my life back
Want to do better
Want to live
Want to love
Want to forget
Want a chance to be me, just me
Want to live by myself
Want to stop feeling like this
Want things that are never going to happen
Want so much











Never getting it

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News..kinda

Ok so its not really news, but been a while since my last post and thought y'all need an update (not that much has happened)

Having really good fun on Snog, Marry, Avoid....gotten good few answers and seems ive found a husband! Awk me and this other fella seem to be marrying each other every other day, all in good fun ;)
Dont know if i told you lot anymore info about college and all that!

Thinking it over and over and i definitely want to do something with History, Archaeology and something along that area. Soo with that in mind, heres some places ive looked:

• Archaeology in University of Manchester
• Ancient History & Archaeology in University of Manchester
• Egyptology in University of Liverpool
• Egyptian Archaeology in University of Liverpool
• Archaeology of Ancient Civilisations in University of Liverpool (Think i may of mention this before!)
• Ancient History & Archaeology in University of Liverpool
• Classics in University of Liverpool (only saw this today and just looking at it, have it in for good measure)

Other places i looked at include Swansea University and University of Chester (which a reliable source told me isnt the best of places!). Im looking for places up north and city life, nowhere near London or south as i know too many people there...need an actual fresh start!!

I am looking at other places and getting information from all sorts of people, like i can ask Matty and Charlie about Liverpool and what its like living there, and what they think of some places ive looked at...cos to be honest they will have a better idea of the Unis than me :S Also found someone who is doing the Archaeology of Ancient Civilisation in L'pool and any questions about the course will be headed her way :)

Only thing left to do is to tell the fam *Cue Dramatic Music* See my plan is to, hopefully, get a job and work non stop until next August/Sept and then i should have enough money to fund me over there (that is if i get accepted!!) Maybe i will wait til i have said job and it will be better coming from me then, were this job is coming from i have no idea...

Thats all really for the mo, assignments getting on top of me and fighting off a cold/flu since Friday...it will appear at the worst possible time, i guarantee it!

Laters

~danis

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Imma go for a few hours....lets be having some questions for when i get back :) http://www.formspring.me/DanSimo

Happy-ish :P

Not using this post to drag you down...gunna try and make it a happy/funny, if i can!!

Found a new-ish site the other day, become waaay too addicted to it. Snog, Marry, Avoid does exactly what it says on the tin, randomers get the chance to pick if they would snog or marry or avoid me....simples ;) Maybe they should commission a show like that.. Oh by the way, that link brings you to me...so gwan gimme a snog, or even marriage ;) Some real characters on it and some sexy fish too!!

oh and i rediscovered Formspring I joined it ages ago and forgot about it...so if you want to know more about me, ask away there. And if you're too shy you can do it anon! :)
Oh and talking about anon posts on formspring, that little fecker Matty planted a question on it to get me to come online cos he was bored...and then he has the nerve to call me a stalker! Pretty sure he will be reading this too cos he likes to check if he or charles get a mention, theres your mention and you can thank me whenever :P

Think thats all for now...love ya and leave ya. And Matt, ill be waiting for the thank you :P

~danis

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just..*sigh*

In a mood all day, and im taking it out on you dear friend!

Was in Dublin yesterday with Jen and was so good to see her again and to be back in the city, i think im having withdrawal symptoms. Im just getting so depressed with my life at the moment, i hate it so much. Know the bath scene in "Nightmare On Elm Street"? I would love that to happen right about now...i just wish there was a hole i could crawl into and die. I dont want to feel anymore, i want to be numb, i want to go back to when my greatest worry was "Did I bring that book home from school??" I hate feeling like this and i want to feel something other than that sicking feeling in the pit of my stomach every time i walk past Deb's house, or see a post van in case Pauls in it, or every time i see my friends moving forward with their lives and im stuck in this hell whole that is my life!!

And i know its scary to think these things but so many times i have thought, i wonder how much it would hurt if that car hit me, or if maybe a little cut will take my mind of everything. I know they sound like suicidal thoughts, but they're not, its just me wanting to stop feeling the way i do...i want to feel something other than dread and uncertainty. I want to stress i am not thinking about or attempting to do myself in, i just have these thoughts now and again...ugh it just seems that anything that could go wrong, has! 

Like at the moment i have three weeks off from college and have a so many assignments to do; Law, Safety & Health, Maths, Lab Tech and im sure theres more but i have no motivation to want to do them and the repercussions i will face if i dont still dont faze me. Just talking to my friends, they seem to be moving a light speed while i trundle along doing nothing, achieving nothing.

As for the DAP situation, theres nothing happening..more is happening in my appendix than with paul (and im appendix-less!) At the moment, he is a judge on this years Cavan's Got Talent...what the fuck is he at? If he has enough free time to be judging a bunch of amateur singers in a stupid show, he has tie to work on his marriage! Does he not realize what effect his actions have on us?? Im not trying to make this about me, but i had two parents (mam and dad) who weren't married and most of the time couldnt stand in the same room together and that was fine-ish. See it was fine(ish) because i had my other parents (deb and paul) and they were married, they loved each other and even though they had no kids, i (along with two other cousins) were the closest thing to that. Then he goes and shits all over that and ruins my life! Im not saying he should stay if hes unhappy, but if you leave to think about it...fucking think about it dont do a show and act like nothings wrong! Everything is wrong and its because of you and you are the only person that can fix it!

I feel trapped here, there is no escape and doesnt look like anyone's coming to help!

 My routine seems destined to be: 1) Get up 2)College 3)Come Home 4)Enjoy Own Company 5)See Deb 6)Bed and repeat

You may think why dont i do anything about it, i cant! I had always gone to deb's, and now if i dont then no one does...i cant have her by herself for that long. I have all this responsibility and i dont want any of it. The highlight of my day (as weird as it sounds) is bed cos its my place, no one wants me, no one needs me and i can do whatever i want. And of course its usually the place i talk to very special people who take me away from all this drama and make me forget how i really feel inside. They are real friends and as messed up as they think they are, they help me so much and i am forever grateful :) You know who you are...Thank you<3

Thats enough for now i think, did have some news about college and what im planning but that can wait til next time. But i will tell you this, the one person i worry about leaving, would be the one person actually telling me to go for it...so maybe i will. More about it later..

~danis

What The Hell..?

Getting ready to head out...party party tonight :D

My sisters 30th Birthday/Engagement Party is tonight...cannot wait for it!! Been ages since i was out, think it was like New Year's?? its not that often i go out, my own choice, but been waiting ages for tonight.
Favourite part of the night is now, hence the blogging, love the getting ready part..yano when your spicing yourself up and blasting music to get you in that dance-y mood! Best part of the night for me, no shite music playing haha

I know this night will be class craic and i will have such a ball, music is all 80s-her favourite!

Thats all really.....random blog i know but meh! :)

~danis

Born This Way

Much to report? Not really...Singles Awareness day came and went, usual banter ;)

College is becoming more and more of a drag, just feel like im standing still and everyone around me are light years ahead! and the adults arent helping much either.
I dont mean to sound like im better than them but both grannies never went to secondary school, mam left after three years and is working in same place for 26 years and dad went to an agricultural college and now drives them rentokil initial vans! None of them seemed to do what they wanted, and at the moment ive more of an education than all of them combined..so back off cos you dont know what im going through!
I mean how the fuck are you meant to pick something at 18 that will define you for the rest of your life?? So if im taking my time picking what to do in college, its because i want to do something I want and i will enjoy doing for the rest of my life!! Anyway the state of the bloody employment sector, why would you be pushing me into getting a job...seems its safer to stay in college for a while.

Have an update on my college situation....kinda. Not talking about it to anyone til i see Jenny again. Jen is a friend from when i was in DIT and shes kinda like my best friend who i dont see that often but when we do, everything is talked about. Like she was the first one i told about Deb and Paul (even before any of my friends at home), and she dosent even know them. We can easily spend hours in starbucks talking about anything and everything. So ill see what she says and talk to her about it...she will help me make a proper decision. Going up to her some day next week...spend the day with her and talk it out, cannot wait!! :D
Before you ask, she is not my girlfriend....just a friend who happens to be a girl-a really good friend. Like if shes unsure what i should do, i will be unsure...she is like my voice of reason and we have the best arguments too! Beginning to see how people thought we were a couple in college haha :S
So as of now, no more college talk...here or in england! Update next week...hopefully

Ah thats all for the mo...made up languages/word games anyone??

Igpay Atlinlay isay ymay ewnay avouritefay ofay alkingtay :) Iay ovelay owhay aranoidpay eoplepay ancay etgay henway heytay ontday nowkay hatwhay iay amay ayingsay, ouldway ovelay otay ebay ableay otay eakspay igpay atlinay asay easyay asay iay ancay eakspay englishay......ighsay omedaysay oonsay :S

Oh how could i forget..the lady herself!

~danis

Matthew and Charles..

The MSN wife Matty, (he might as well be he bitches at me that much) made me to dedicate a post to him and his amazingly sexy loverboy, Charlie. Here comes the fun :)


So what to say...argh a toughie! He wants me to write about, and i quote, "hw amazingly fit we are, and how we're just so hot that the FUCKING SUN MELTS when it gets too close" Nahh, thats not gunna happen dude.


As i write this he has fallen out with me and so has Charlie (apparently) and, no im not saying why because i know hes reading this. He takes these funny turns where he wont talk to me or will pass me over to charlie cos either one of us said something "upsetting"...such a woman sometimes! Just left me a series of "..." so i know hes not talking to me, face it dude you cant live without me not talking to you. Me, i can do without :P


Matty what to say? not much your randomly offline again and im sure you will be all apologetic the next time im talking to you! Though i say "randomly", think we all know why your gone...
That musta been some secret you wanted to tell me by the way, guess my excitement will have to wait til we meet again...


Charlie all i can say is well done, keeping up with this weirdo and not going insane is amazing (joke matty, calm down) I know you said you like to keep him safe and protected...got that down ;) Sorry, but i cant really remember much of our conversations to talk about them...usually when im passed over to you, its either three hours into me & gayboy's convo or we've talk too late i cant remember it the next day. 


I had intended to write more, but i dont want to! So peeps thats all for now and promise a return to the regular blogging next time, not giving into gayboy's demands anymore


~danis
PS heres Irelands Eurovision entry, you might know them:

Voodoo

Currently blasting an awesome remix of Better Off Alone..its actually awesome sauce. Fact!

Anyway enough of my, apparently, bad taste in music...lets get this blog rolling :)

My sister's birthday was on Sunday, 30 years old and the doctors told them she wouldnt see 21...take that CF!!

Started up on Bebo (remember that?) and then it became to crowded, so over to Facebook i went. Now everyone i know is on it and so i hopped on over to twitter. Love twitter so much, can interact with people without having to know their life story and i could say anything i wanted cos no one knew me. Now theres so many people following me on it that i know i have to be careful what i say...why cant i escape? :( Funny note my newest follower is a friend as she says should she keep twitter her secret world....eh it was mine but you are invading it (not that i can say that haha)

So blogger you're my latest conquest and i hope you and me will be together forever and know will tear us apart..love ya man! :') (i know i seem crazy but go with it)

Right...onto serious stuff now:

Joined yougo last week and loving the banter im having with the people. The downside is its making me want to go to college in UK more and more...help peeps! :( Im not gunna go through why i want to go, its all in the last post and since then i want to do it even more!! 

I even picked more places i want to go to...Liverpool is still there but theres so many other places, looking at places in Newcastle and Wales too. I know the fees will be going up but the system they have in england and wales is better than here: you can defer paying your fees until after graduation and then pay it back when your in a job!

Talking about job, im thinking when i (eventually) get a job I might just work for the year and that will help me for college in UK?? Good idea, or not?

What else happening in my uber exciting life? :P Eh, nothing really...still chatting to my gayboys and even if they do abandon me every now and again for a game of surprise sex, still coolest friends ive had in ages-love 'em. Just not like they would like me to haha ;) College is same, boring and assignments piling but im not attempting them, no motivation but i will. 

That Time Again..

First off...90s music is still going strong,but i need some feedback from anyone! I know the usual suspects like Spice Girls, 5ive, N*SYNC who else though?? There had to more more, but old age is kicking in and i cant remember.
Though I added Alice Deejay's most popular song: "Better Off Alone"

While I'm on the auld late 90s/early 00s dance hits, who can forget DJ Sammy with "Heaven"

Anyway enough about my nostalgia and whatnot, wanted to talk about my plans for my oh-so amazing life! I have a kinda list, so bear with me..

I am still planning to go on my excavation in Newcastle, South Shields to be specific, anyone interested in this trip or any of the others earthwatch offers don't hesitate to visit their site : EarthWatch. I was dong this trip so i would be showing an interest in the course i want to do, but because i haven't enough points i was going to wait til im a mature student (23 here). But my friend gave me an idea, a scary one, why dont i do my degree in the UK? Good question, now wait til i find reasons not to go-Theres none!! :S

Now i normally wouldnt want to up and move to another country, but there is such a broad scale of courses...its ridiculous tempting. The worst part you ask? Well i actually found a course that i love and its in Liverpool Uni, Archaeology of Ancient Civilisations seems so interesting. Three areas of archaeology they explore is Italian & Roman, Egyptian, and  Near Eastern....thats making me want to go even more.

So..pros and cons??

PROS

• The mature age starts at 21, so i can have a year to really think about it
• Fees are, i think, reasonable at £3,290 which is roughly €3,800. You can borrow it and pay back once you start working and earning over £15,000 a year
• The course is only 3 years as opposed to the one here which is 4years. Meaning UK start age is 21 and finish at 24 and Ireland-start age is 23, finish at 27!
• Complete freedom and independence, especially Liverpool as only relations live in North London
• Forced to meet new people and not rely on others i know, cos id know zilch people
• Escape from this town, as much as i love it and my friends and family i seem to feel suffocated recently
• Accommodation is cheap, roughly three grand for the year

CONS

• Money, of course, even if the accomm is cheaper than here. Its three grand more than i have
• Moving away and not knowing anyone
• Home visits limited and planned in advance
• Living abroad and then not liking the course (cant see that happening, but still)
• Not getting the course and then what?? Dossing for another year..no thanks

If i do decide to go to that course, il be heading there in September 2012...a year to make the money i need. Dont see the point in hanging around, especially if it cuts three years of getting the degree. Though the worst part is UCAS, how the hell do you work your way around it...i know im pass the last date but i can still look!

Oh and i say i dont know anyone in Liverpool, kinda not true..my cyber boys are there. Swear to god im not stalking them (even if they wont believe me haha). Saw the course, read it and then looked at the uni and it was Liverpool....pissed myself laughing! It gets better, my friend's two brothers both went to the UK and i was thinking of asking them. Where did they go....Liverpool!! Its fate :D

Gimme some feedback if you can! :)

~danis

Muzak :)

Like i said in my last post, gotten kinda addicted to 90s music...the music i loved growing up. Also the type of music my peers would say is gay and useless....even though i know they loved it and there will always be a part of you that will love that nostalgic feeling you get when it comes on, no matter how much you try and bury it!!

So tweeps, lucky for you i dont care...heres my current play list:

Steps- One for Sorrow
Steps- Last Thing On My Mind
Steps- Better the Devil You Know
Steps- Love's Got a Hold On My Heart
S Club 7- You're My Number One
Steps- After the Love Has Gone
S Club 7- S Club Party
S Club 7- You
S Club 7- Reach
S Club 7- Two in a Million
S Club 7- Don't Stop Movin'
S Club 7- Bring It All Back
Steps- The Way You Make Me Feel
Steps- Summer Of Love

Now  i know that isnt really 90s music...just S Club 7 and Steps but i need more money to buy more!! I defy any one of my friends, no matter how "cool" they are, to not dance to that music or remember the happy times that come with it. Come on who doesnt know how to Reach For The Stars or tell me that One Is For Sorrow....!! haha :)

Rock on and dance to whatever  you want to
~danis

The Way You Make Me Feel

I had the intentions of having a good post, but as usual my life is a complete and utter waste and decides to fuck me before i get here.

My mam and granny had a huge argument, and as usual it was over something minor but buried truths came out...hurtful ones

See my mam is a single mother, living with her mother (already off to a good start). Mam works in a factory and at that time worked on shift, so granny would mind me...considering i lived with her she had to See my granda died four years before i was born and i think, for granny, i was like a replacement for him. She had had other grandkids in four years, but i was living in his house and had his last name. I suppose it gave her a purpose again and someone depended on her. But there is a point when it starts to cross the line, and granny never sees it..

Well it all came out tonight....and in a way I'm glad it did, they never tell each other anything and carry on regardless, never asking for help. I know granny doesn't meant to, but she smothers me and makes mam feel like she doesn't have a say in my...like she isn't my mother!
Granny us always at me; Did you get something to eat? When will i be home? Will i make you dinner? Where are you going? When will you be back? Will you let me know? ARGGH I know she cares but she over compensates! And if any one should be doing it, asking them questions is my mother! Now i know granny is like a mother...but shes not my mother!! I love her like a mam and a lot more than my other granny but she needs to know where the boundaries are. That's another thing even if she steps back its too late, I'm 20 years old and i don't need all that mothering. I love mam for that she understands what its like, by my age she was already working 3 years.

Mam is independent and that's what i admire and love about her, she always put me first and now I'm older she is letting go, slowly but surely, shes got a fella and she never dated anyone when i was younger. Now I'm older she is getting a life for herself and she deserves to. Granny hasn't, or wont, she stays in the house all day and everyday. Week in, week out. She goes shopping with my aunt for an hour on Friday and goes to the pub for roughly three hours on Saturday and that's it..she needs to get out more often, shes starting to get paranoid.

I'm going to stop talking about this now, change of subject and much better news. My "sister" got engaged today!! :)
Shes my surrogate sister, by that i mean she isn't any relation to me but she might as well be my sister. She sent me a text saying "Letting you know ***** is going to be your brother in law, just got engaged!" I'm so happy for her, see she has Cystic Fibrosis and when she was diagnosed the doctors said she wont live past 21, and I'm happy to report shes celebrating her 30th in two weeks! The usual life expectancy of a person with CF, nowadays, is around 35 so i am so thrilled that someone is going to make her happy because she totally deserves it.
Of the three of my sisters, i would do anything for Prue...anything! Next down the line, Piper is one to have fun with, she is a great person and the mother of my nephew, Will. The youngest, Phoebe, is the one who I'm closest to, we really are like brother and sister and so alike. When i dropped out, after the usual people,  i had to tell her. Turned out she wasted two years of college because she didn't like the course, but didn't want to tell anyone..so she got me when i said i wanted to drop out.

Anyone who wants any information about Cystic Fibrosis here's the link for ireland and the link for worldwide

And i little side note, remember Matty and Charlie? I had to stay up with Matt on MSN on Tuesday, Matt has problems sleeping, so i stayed up till 6am till Charlie came. I may have complained a lot to him, but i felt like i had to keep him safe till a real person could be there. The gratitude i got from both of them was so overwhelming, they really made me feel good...best friends i could ask for, even if i never met them! Anyway Matt's getting medication and is slowly on the road to recovery...wish either of them were online,  need someone to talk to and make me laugh and forget everything (they are really good at it)

Hoping tomorrow brings some kind of calm
~danis

PS recently ive gotten an addiction to old 90s pop music like Spice Girls, S Club, Steps all the old stuff i love when i was younger. Maybe i miss the old times and listening to them to get back to a happy place.

Title Name

Its been a while i know! I could blame it on a lot of things but the main cause is laziness!

So whats been going on since i was here last?? Hmm good question..
Things have cooled off with granny, she still gets on my nerves and all but yano ;)

There has been a lot happening, but i cant think at the moment so instead i will tell you about my new "friends". Its not like they're not actually there, its just that i never met them..ill explain.

Charlie and Matt are a couple going to Liverpool Uni. Charlie's from down south, Cambridge i think? He has a sexy voice or so I've been told! Matt is from somewhere in Manchester, with an equally attractive accent I've been lead to believe and they are my newest cyber-friends on MSN (which is being a cunt at the moment but that's for another time).

Been talking to them since just after Christmas...no that's a lie!! First conversation i had with Matt was on xmas eve, i think! I ad the misfortune to get to listen to him bang on about how much he missed his man, and how much he loved him...usual couple rubbish. But now, nearly two months later i have so much respect for them. As a couple and as individuals. Unlike many people my age i don't care that they are gay...i will easily talk about anything and everything with them. They are a such easy people to have a laugh with...even if it keeps me up til 6am!!

The best thing about them is they make me laugh and forget everything about my crappy life, about the stresses at home at the moment, college, what to do with my life, etc..the list can go on!!

Really want to talk to either of them right now....will wait! :)
My favourite show is back on too, Being Human! So happy :D

Sleep, Eat, Prosper
~danis

Words Cannot Fathom!!'

Sometimes my granny is such a bloody two faced bitch!! Right at this moment i hate her so much, and i know you might think i will regret this post in the morning and will be feel guilty about but not this time!

She had the nerve to say i am Paul's side! How dare she say that, i cant believe she had the nerve to saying something so hurtful and mean! So annoyed at her right now and my keyboards are felling the full force of it.

For those who don't understand what I'm on about, theres a full account in my first post. But the Cliff-notes version is my aunt and uncle separated in October. He (Paul) left Deborah and it was a complete shock, i know everyone says that but the first i knew about it was when she said he was going and then he left! Its been how ever many months since and i am still trying to get my head around it. See they were like my other parents and they have no kids, live 12 houses from me and i was in their house every day since i remember so it was like my parents separating.

Unfortunately i live with my granny and Deb is her daughter (so my blood aunt) and of course hate Paul at the moment. But i cant, i just cant! Ive seen him in my life more than my actual dad...he is the best thing i have to constant male role model......or he was! But me and granny always come to blow, about anything really, but she took it a step too far tonight. I know secretly (or not) everyone has picked sides and its mostly Deb considering she is their sister, aunt, daughter. I genuinely haven't and cant pick sides, more importantly i don't want to have to!

Hate feeling like this!! Feeling better now that i got it out and talking to someone on MSN i don't really know but its good to talk about nothing for a chance :)

all for now
~danis

Links and Links

Heres the link to the excavation that I hope to go to in the summer: The Expedition in South Shields. The price is £795, roughly €950 I think..and i know its a bit steep but this is a breakdown of  how the money is spent and after reading it im happy to spend that much.

• 57 per cent of your contribution is spent by the scientists managing your expedition. Typical costs include supplies, equipment, research permits, rents, utilities, and the hiring of local cooks or drivers as well as your food, accommodation, and local transport costs.
• 20 per cent of your contribution is spent by Earthwatch on political, meteorological, and physical risk assessments, health and safety policies, 24-7 crisis response and emergency management procedures, and associated training of research scientists.
• 12 per cent of your contribution is spent by Earthwatch to promote expeditions to the public and service your participation, including printing an Expedition Guide, advertising, and maintaining a web site.
• 8 percent of your contribution is spent by Earthwatch to take your booking, review your registration forms, send you an Expedition Briefing pack, and thoroughly preparing you before departure for your expedition.
• 3 per cent of your contribution will be spent on medical and evacuation insurance coverage, travel insurance cover, and offsetting the greenhouse gas emissions of your travel.

While im on the links and what not, this is Britters lastest single; "Hold It Against Me". I have to admit i was a HUGE Spears fan when i was younger and i will check the current songs just to see if she still has it. This song didnt impress me when i played it for the first time, nor the second but by the third play it got under my skin and have to say i really like it. Its got that beat to be a nightclub fave and the singing is a lot better than the past few years!!

The Beeb has a interesting docu on the dangers of oral sex and  HPV  which leads to cancer, throat cancer mostly and its a factor in cervical cancer too. Should give it a gawk on BBC3 now, prob will be repeated too.

A final note, i was very happy to see that i got 18 views overnight on my last post so keep tuned and please dont be deterred to follow me or leave me a comment....i promise to answer all and any comments i get! :)

Live life to the max (or as best you can)

~danis

PS I havent eaten anything since midday, and its coming up to 1am. Im not hungry even, but what makes me happy/freaks me is that im kinda proud of it...what does that mean?? :/

Take Over Control

Another post-i know, no posts for ages and then two in the one go! :)

Anyway this is my year so far and what I'm hoping i can do this year.

So far, its been a good year...Rachel got out of hospital and she on the mend, slowly though, but at least shes still here. We are hoping to have a "Welcome Home" party for her. Granny will be 70 in about two weeks and family are going for a big meal for it, so far its granny, mam and her sisters,  me and my two cousins Laura and Rachel. It bugs me that it is always us that ever do anything family related. If it was up to me all 15 of us should be there: granny, her five daughters and nine grandkids, it is a special occasion for god's sake!
Still on birthdays, its my aunts on Tuesday-49! My cousins on Thursday-20! and then granny ten days later...

New subject, I'm hoping to go to South Shields for a week in the summer, there's an archaeological dig that's on all summer and they look for volunteers on this site EarthWatch Worldwide and gives you so much information on a number of different areas like archaeology, climate change, habitats and other things in that area, check it out!
Anyway the dig is in South Shields in Newcastle and its for a week but its sounds amazing, the price is kinda steep but its worth it, it will cost me £795 (roughly €950) for the week which includes all your equipment, training, accommodation, food, excursions, etc and the site is a a non-profit organisation so i would gladly pay that price. Oh you have to pay for your own flights over too, but aren't that sear from Dublin.You can pay more if you  feel you want to but that's up to each individual :) While we are still in the UK, i should be hearing, soon, if i got tickets for a Wimbledon match...hope i do!!!

That brings me onto my next dilemma...a job! Ah i need one fast if i want to do anything from above. In my ideal world i would love to go to the dig, then fly to London if i get tickets or not and then come home...maybe have a holiday of my own for like two weeks, see what happens :)

Think that's all for now, college starting back on Monday and looking forward to getting out of the house, but wish it was for a better reason...

Enjoy live as it comes peeps
~danis

Not Sure

I was going to do a month by month synopsis of 2010 but i don't want to keep dwelling on the past so shortening it down. Welcome to my first last post on 2010!


January: Christmas exams and results and the realization I don't like this course one bit, I loved the friends i made but wasn't staying there for them!! What do i do....dwell on this for the next 6 months (not healthy!)


February: Nothing out the ordinary happening here, missing more college and spending waay too much time in Starbucks. Cavan's Got Talent (CGT) starts...relevant for later.


March-April: Same really...more time spent thinking about dropping out and still in Starbucks more than i should be. CGT really hotting it, Paul's (uncle) band making it to the final and i meet someone, really like her and enjoying the banter between us


May-June:  Summer exams, knowing regardless of my results i dont want to come back. Holidays to Spain and a time to relax. Paul wins CGT and something happens with that person (not a good thing)


July-September: Results and the inevitable confession I had to spill, it went down ok. I think it was because my surrogate sister (really close neighbour) spent two years in a course doing nothing because she didn like it! It was nice to have someone on my side and that can relate to how I was feeling! Totally regretting meeting that and wish I didnt know her! Couldnt even listen to Pendulum w/o feeling down. Enrolling in the college in town only to make people happy and so i wasnt sitting around for a year. College is fun and meeting new people was great, wont make a career out of it but its better than doing nothing!


October-November: This is when shit hits the fan big time. Its the reason I started this blog. With that in mind im not repeating myself...Heres what i didnt tell you: My birthday came and went, no more a teen i am....20 Eeek! The worst part of my situation is i really wanted to move out, but still be close to home....now i cant do that!! See how this year goes *Fingers crossed*

So thats 2010 and now looking forward! Throw everything you got at me 2011...im ready for ya.
If im quick i might get another one up in a few....we will see.

Fun Time! :D

I swiped this from Family Tree Of Two. Feel free to use it in your blog if you want! :D

1) What is your dream occupation?  I would love to be an archaeologist/historian or something in the field. Maybe a freelance photographer on the side..

2) What is the best dish that you can cook? I can bake a really yummy chocolate cake and quadruple choc muffins.  But its not all about chocolate, i can make mean fajitas and of course my own pasta dish!

3) Have you ever been mentioned in the newspaper? Yea, few times; won 2nd place for "Young Historian Of The Year" and for  an interview for my debs. *Cringing remembering that*

4) What’s the worst and/or most memorable job you’ve ever had? Only had the one, at the moment, but working in the office of Pauwels Trafo (now CG Power Systems) was a fun job. It showed me how much i NEVER want an office job!! Way too boring and monotonous for me...9-5 is not the way to make a living in my book :/ 

5) When you were a teenager, at what age did you envision yourself getting married? How old were you in reality when you got married? Just stopped being a teen (20 last month) and giving my family's track record with marriages, I'm not even thinking about marrying anyone until I'm in my 30s, just going to enjoy life as I am.

6) What’s your most hated household chore? What’s your favorite?  Hmm, most hated would have to be feeding the birds...in the winter it's too cold to care to do it, but i still do!! Favourite would have to be doing my own dinner, when I'm on my own for the day music is blasting, making fajitas, curry, spag bol...whatever! :)

7) What’s your earliest memory? Have to be going to the zoo as a toddler, have seen the video of it but other things stick out in my mind! I remember being terrified of the bears and the smell of straw in the summer reminds me of that day.


I know I've been absent for a few days, working on a blog as we speak and its kinda longer than normal!! Keep with me for a bit longer buds! :)
~danis