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Gwan for the craic ;) http://formspring.me/DanSimo

just..*sigh*

In a mood all day, and im taking it out on you dear friend!

Was in Dublin yesterday with Jen and was so good to see her again and to be back in the city, i think im having withdrawal symptoms. Im just getting so depressed with my life at the moment, i hate it so much. Know the bath scene in "Nightmare On Elm Street"? I would love that to happen right about now...i just wish there was a hole i could crawl into and die. I dont want to feel anymore, i want to be numb, i want to go back to when my greatest worry was "Did I bring that book home from school??" I hate feeling like this and i want to feel something other than that sicking feeling in the pit of my stomach every time i walk past Deb's house, or see a post van in case Pauls in it, or every time i see my friends moving forward with their lives and im stuck in this hell whole that is my life!!

And i know its scary to think these things but so many times i have thought, i wonder how much it would hurt if that car hit me, or if maybe a little cut will take my mind of everything. I know they sound like suicidal thoughts, but they're not, its just me wanting to stop feeling the way i do...i want to feel something other than dread and uncertainty. I want to stress i am not thinking about or attempting to do myself in, i just have these thoughts now and again...ugh it just seems that anything that could go wrong, has! 

Like at the moment i have three weeks off from college and have a so many assignments to do; Law, Safety & Health, Maths, Lab Tech and im sure theres more but i have no motivation to want to do them and the repercussions i will face if i dont still dont faze me. Just talking to my friends, they seem to be moving a light speed while i trundle along doing nothing, achieving nothing.

As for the DAP situation, theres nothing happening..more is happening in my appendix than with paul (and im appendix-less!) At the moment, he is a judge on this years Cavan's Got Talent...what the fuck is he at? If he has enough free time to be judging a bunch of amateur singers in a stupid show, he has tie to work on his marriage! Does he not realize what effect his actions have on us?? Im not trying to make this about me, but i had two parents (mam and dad) who weren't married and most of the time couldnt stand in the same room together and that was fine-ish. See it was fine(ish) because i had my other parents (deb and paul) and they were married, they loved each other and even though they had no kids, i (along with two other cousins) were the closest thing to that. Then he goes and shits all over that and ruins my life! Im not saying he should stay if hes unhappy, but if you leave to think about it...fucking think about it dont do a show and act like nothings wrong! Everything is wrong and its because of you and you are the only person that can fix it!

I feel trapped here, there is no escape and doesnt look like anyone's coming to help!

 My routine seems destined to be: 1) Get up 2)College 3)Come Home 4)Enjoy Own Company 5)See Deb 6)Bed and repeat

You may think why dont i do anything about it, i cant! I had always gone to deb's, and now if i dont then no one does...i cant have her by herself for that long. I have all this responsibility and i dont want any of it. The highlight of my day (as weird as it sounds) is bed cos its my place, no one wants me, no one needs me and i can do whatever i want. And of course its usually the place i talk to very special people who take me away from all this drama and make me forget how i really feel inside. They are real friends and as messed up as they think they are, they help me so much and i am forever grateful :) You know who you are...Thank you<3

Thats enough for now i think, did have some news about college and what im planning but that can wait til next time. But i will tell you this, the one person i worry about leaving, would be the one person actually telling me to go for it...so maybe i will. More about it later..

~danis

What The Hell..?

Getting ready to head out...party party tonight :D

My sisters 30th Birthday/Engagement Party is tonight...cannot wait for it!! Been ages since i was out, think it was like New Year's?? its not that often i go out, my own choice, but been waiting ages for tonight.
Favourite part of the night is now, hence the blogging, love the getting ready part..yano when your spicing yourself up and blasting music to get you in that dance-y mood! Best part of the night for me, no shite music playing haha

I know this night will be class craic and i will have such a ball, music is all 80s-her favourite!

Thats all really.....random blog i know but meh! :)

~danis

Born This Way

Much to report? Not really...Singles Awareness day came and went, usual banter ;)

College is becoming more and more of a drag, just feel like im standing still and everyone around me are light years ahead! and the adults arent helping much either.
I dont mean to sound like im better than them but both grannies never went to secondary school, mam left after three years and is working in same place for 26 years and dad went to an agricultural college and now drives them rentokil initial vans! None of them seemed to do what they wanted, and at the moment ive more of an education than all of them combined..so back off cos you dont know what im going through!
I mean how the fuck are you meant to pick something at 18 that will define you for the rest of your life?? So if im taking my time picking what to do in college, its because i want to do something I want and i will enjoy doing for the rest of my life!! Anyway the state of the bloody employment sector, why would you be pushing me into getting a job...seems its safer to stay in college for a while.

Have an update on my college situation....kinda. Not talking about it to anyone til i see Jenny again. Jen is a friend from when i was in DIT and shes kinda like my best friend who i dont see that often but when we do, everything is talked about. Like she was the first one i told about Deb and Paul (even before any of my friends at home), and she dosent even know them. We can easily spend hours in starbucks talking about anything and everything. So ill see what she says and talk to her about it...she will help me make a proper decision. Going up to her some day next week...spend the day with her and talk it out, cannot wait!! :D
Before you ask, she is not my girlfriend....just a friend who happens to be a girl-a really good friend. Like if shes unsure what i should do, i will be unsure...she is like my voice of reason and we have the best arguments too! Beginning to see how people thought we were a couple in college haha :S
So as of now, no more college talk...here or in england! Update next week...hopefully

Ah thats all for the mo...made up languages/word games anyone??

Igpay Atlinlay isay ymay ewnay avouritefay ofay alkingtay :) Iay ovelay owhay aranoidpay eoplepay ancay etgay henway heytay ontday nowkay hatwhay iay amay ayingsay, ouldway ovelay otay ebay ableay otay eakspay igpay atlinay asay easyay asay iay ancay eakspay englishay......ighsay omedaysay oonsay :S

Oh how could i forget..the lady herself!

~danis

Matthew and Charles..

The MSN wife Matty, (he might as well be he bitches at me that much) made me to dedicate a post to him and his amazingly sexy loverboy, Charlie. Here comes the fun :)


So what to say...argh a toughie! He wants me to write about, and i quote, "hw amazingly fit we are, and how we're just so hot that the FUCKING SUN MELTS when it gets too close" Nahh, thats not gunna happen dude.


As i write this he has fallen out with me and so has Charlie (apparently) and, no im not saying why because i know hes reading this. He takes these funny turns where he wont talk to me or will pass me over to charlie cos either one of us said something "upsetting"...such a woman sometimes! Just left me a series of "..." so i know hes not talking to me, face it dude you cant live without me not talking to you. Me, i can do without :P


Matty what to say? not much your randomly offline again and im sure you will be all apologetic the next time im talking to you! Though i say "randomly", think we all know why your gone...
That musta been some secret you wanted to tell me by the way, guess my excitement will have to wait til we meet again...


Charlie all i can say is well done, keeping up with this weirdo and not going insane is amazing (joke matty, calm down) I know you said you like to keep him safe and protected...got that down ;) Sorry, but i cant really remember much of our conversations to talk about them...usually when im passed over to you, its either three hours into me & gayboy's convo or we've talk too late i cant remember it the next day. 


I had intended to write more, but i dont want to! So peeps thats all for now and promise a return to the regular blogging next time, not giving into gayboy's demands anymore


~danis
PS heres Irelands Eurovision entry, you might know them:

Voodoo

Currently blasting an awesome remix of Better Off Alone..its actually awesome sauce. Fact!

Anyway enough of my, apparently, bad taste in music...lets get this blog rolling :)

My sister's birthday was on Sunday, 30 years old and the doctors told them she wouldnt see 21...take that CF!!

Started up on Bebo (remember that?) and then it became to crowded, so over to Facebook i went. Now everyone i know is on it and so i hopped on over to twitter. Love twitter so much, can interact with people without having to know their life story and i could say anything i wanted cos no one knew me. Now theres so many people following me on it that i know i have to be careful what i say...why cant i escape? :( Funny note my newest follower is a friend as she says should she keep twitter her secret world....eh it was mine but you are invading it (not that i can say that haha)

So blogger you're my latest conquest and i hope you and me will be together forever and know will tear us apart..love ya man! :') (i know i seem crazy but go with it)

Right...onto serious stuff now:

Joined yougo last week and loving the banter im having with the people. The downside is its making me want to go to college in UK more and more...help peeps! :( Im not gunna go through why i want to go, its all in the last post and since then i want to do it even more!! 

I even picked more places i want to go to...Liverpool is still there but theres so many other places, looking at places in Newcastle and Wales too. I know the fees will be going up but the system they have in england and wales is better than here: you can defer paying your fees until after graduation and then pay it back when your in a job!

Talking about job, im thinking when i (eventually) get a job I might just work for the year and that will help me for college in UK?? Good idea, or not?

What else happening in my uber exciting life? :P Eh, nothing really...still chatting to my gayboys and even if they do abandon me every now and again for a game of surprise sex, still coolest friends ive had in ages-love 'em. Just not like they would like me to haha ;) College is same, boring and assignments piling but im not attempting them, no motivation but i will. 

That Time Again..

First off...90s music is still going strong,but i need some feedback from anyone! I know the usual suspects like Spice Girls, 5ive, N*SYNC who else though?? There had to more more, but old age is kicking in and i cant remember.
Though I added Alice Deejay's most popular song: "Better Off Alone"

While I'm on the auld late 90s/early 00s dance hits, who can forget DJ Sammy with "Heaven"

Anyway enough about my nostalgia and whatnot, wanted to talk about my plans for my oh-so amazing life! I have a kinda list, so bear with me..

I am still planning to go on my excavation in Newcastle, South Shields to be specific, anyone interested in this trip or any of the others earthwatch offers don't hesitate to visit their site : EarthWatch. I was dong this trip so i would be showing an interest in the course i want to do, but because i haven't enough points i was going to wait til im a mature student (23 here). But my friend gave me an idea, a scary one, why dont i do my degree in the UK? Good question, now wait til i find reasons not to go-Theres none!! :S

Now i normally wouldnt want to up and move to another country, but there is such a broad scale of courses...its ridiculous tempting. The worst part you ask? Well i actually found a course that i love and its in Liverpool Uni, Archaeology of Ancient Civilisations seems so interesting. Three areas of archaeology they explore is Italian & Roman, Egyptian, and  Near Eastern....thats making me want to go even more.

So..pros and cons??

PROS

• The mature age starts at 21, so i can have a year to really think about it
• Fees are, i think, reasonable at £3,290 which is roughly €3,800. You can borrow it and pay back once you start working and earning over £15,000 a year
• The course is only 3 years as opposed to the one here which is 4years. Meaning UK start age is 21 and finish at 24 and Ireland-start age is 23, finish at 27!
• Complete freedom and independence, especially Liverpool as only relations live in North London
• Forced to meet new people and not rely on others i know, cos id know zilch people
• Escape from this town, as much as i love it and my friends and family i seem to feel suffocated recently
• Accommodation is cheap, roughly three grand for the year

CONS

• Money, of course, even if the accomm is cheaper than here. Its three grand more than i have
• Moving away and not knowing anyone
• Home visits limited and planned in advance
• Living abroad and then not liking the course (cant see that happening, but still)
• Not getting the course and then what?? Dossing for another year..no thanks

If i do decide to go to that course, il be heading there in September 2012...a year to make the money i need. Dont see the point in hanging around, especially if it cuts three years of getting the degree. Though the worst part is UCAS, how the hell do you work your way around it...i know im pass the last date but i can still look!

Oh and i say i dont know anyone in Liverpool, kinda not true..my cyber boys are there. Swear to god im not stalking them (even if they wont believe me haha). Saw the course, read it and then looked at the uni and it was Liverpool....pissed myself laughing! It gets better, my friend's two brothers both went to the UK and i was thinking of asking them. Where did they go....Liverpool!! Its fate :D

Gimme some feedback if you can! :)

~danis