Into Flames

Doesnt feel like two days since my last post, oh well.

I forgot to mention in the last post, Niamh was in hospital again! *FYI Niamh is my surrogate sister with Cystic Fibrosis, and is regularly in and out of hospital* Shes home now, but i always get down when she goes into hospital...anytime shes got a chest infection, cold, flu. Unfortunately with CFers is quite often and i think cos im older and more aware of what is happening to her. Also thinking a lot about what is going to happen to her if she doesnt get a transplant when she needs it, which isnt just yet...thank god!

Billy sitting on his bench!

Anyway on Sunday, i spent bit with my wee nephew. Hes just over 18 months and is getting to grips the whole walking thing. Brought him to the field behind us and said hi to the horsies :) Then tried him walking with just one hand (usually has to hold on with both hands) and he was flying! Kept encouraging him, telling him he was such a clever boy and isnt Billy a big boy...usual you tell a 18 mnth toddler, but when i was saying it he kept looking up at me laughing and smiling!! Was so giddy and so happy he was having fun with me, haha. At the park he had to go over to each of the three benches and hit them, climb up and look around and moving on...lil fool haha

Monday, that was college. Went to labs and handed up by project and started our next experiment: making soap! We were making soap from different oils and fats by using a reflux method...actually more fun than it sounds :P So far making soap out of Olive Oil, Sunflower Oil, Pig Fat and other things you didnt think made soap :S Basic boiling it in a water bath, watching the temp doesnt go past certain point and thats it...simples. Spent most of the day with Sophie, friend from class who was au pair-ing (thats a word, right?) in spain about three weeks ago. The family were really mean, locking her in her room, not feeding her and the dad was abit of a perv. So was her first day back and was just catching up and checking how she was...usual yano? :P

Today, tuesday was its usual drag. Start of with biology, which i love and always have loved!! So nice start, then drove to McD's for the 2 hour break...pretty sweet so far. Then the class after the break was H&S, which is the tutor that didn want to meet me *If you dont know what im on about, check last 2-3 posts ;)* Anyway i couldnt stand having to see her again, cos im sure she will be asking where ive been for the past 2 weeks and i will tell her....but also might say something i later regret, need to cool off! All she had to do was meet me and i would have told her all...but now unless she asks again she gets nothing off me!
Tonight was pretty interesting, no matty or charlie as they are making history by going to some sports thingy ball. But the biggie is they are the first gay couple to go, matt was nervous when i was talking to him earlier today, will be nothing to Mr. Bond ;) Also talking to this new fella, Daniel (awesome name i know!) from Scotland...very funny lad and says the weirdest things. Dont worry, you're not being replaced...he has a normal sleep pattern and left me at half 12! Not hardcore like us, right Matty? :P

Think thats all for the min, happy normal post...dont do many of them! Back later with more...maybe?
~danis

Remember The Rain Like You

Remember the time change peeps ;) Its now 03.57 (but really 02.57 so its all good)

Finally listening to Adele, my god shes some singer and some of her songs i feel like i can relate to her, that sounds so gay! haha

Anyway, on to more pressing matters. remember i asked my tutor for a talk to explain why i couldnt do the presentation and tell her the stuff thats happening at home and stuff. Well she didnt even bother to turn up...waited 15 minutes for her and nothing!! I felt so sick the whole hour before and was even started to shake while i was waiting, i was so annoyed and disappointed.
I know she doesnt know the kind of stress im under and the amount of effort it took me to go look for her but im so pissed at her. Charlie spent half the night convincing me to email her and then telling me it was the right choice an all....nah im not doing it again, the unnecessary stress over a worthless certificate. It was a major set back for something that i thought was a baby step forward...

On a lighter note, the past week has been awesome!! (weather wise) On thursday, me and four friends from the class bought four tubs of Ben and Jerry's and had like pass the parcel of ice cream in the sun....loved it. Just sitting in the sun, ice cream and talking random nothingness was exactly what the doctor ordered. Of course sitting out in the sun, even for four hours, i got burnt :S Nice red head and sunburnt nose, and the usual farmers tan on the auld arms...usual with me :D

Have decided to have a more positive attitude, call it my April Wish if you must, and im gunna start get the ball rolling;

• Uni in england, where, what and when
• Contact uni for entry requirements- LC, FETAC, Points
• Find out information about the colleges- Matty, Charlie
• Find out about the one i really like- Aisling
• Get a job, save for the year and be able to go over the pond
• Stop watching Time Team...making want archaeology more and more!! haha
• Try and talk to someone, get my baby steps started
• Check out that mole on my leg that bothers me
• Smile and be happy

Think thats all, leave some Adele for ya ;)

Someone Like You, that BRITs performance 

Set the Rain on Fire, best song on the album i think :)

~danis

Time for Change?

Dedicating this to Charlie Grange....hero after last night, listening to my ramblings and the advice. Also apologizing for the message, was a shock and made me sick...no harm intended, k? :) 

After reading that last post, and god i sound angry! I don't actually remember writing the post but reading it, i can definitely see i was really down

See i am feeling a bit, for lack of a better word, ugh...

Everything is just getting on top of me, am not dealing with it as i should but i don't know how to deal with it.

Last week was the worst week in a long time; my granny was in hospital for a mini-stroke and my dad didn't even tell me! My mams friend mentioned to her and that's how i found out, what kinda of way was that to be told. First thing i thought of was how my grandfather went into hospital at the same time with a mini-stroke and died of cancer five months later. Then to top of the week, Paul went to London for a weekend and didn't bother to tell anyone, even Deb...why did he do something like that? Why couldn't he just ring her and tell her, not that hard to do!! 

I just, feel so trapped, i am being attacked from all around and i cant defend myself...how do i cope, why do i have to cope?? Why cant i just fall apart...

I have all these stresses on my head and i cant deal with them, I'm finding it hard to deal with just one!

College isn't helping, i have so many assignments and i cant keep up with them. I have a presentation to do on sleep disorders, and usually i don't like doing presentations at all but because it was on something i can relate to i was going to try...but i cant. This is something that is adding to my near breaking load and its the only one i can remove.

I was talking to Charlie about it last night and he was an immense help to me, he told me to talk to someone about it and that i shouldn't keep it all bottled up....i know all this but i find it so hard to tell strangers stuff like that and id rather keep quiet and carry on. He was actually class to talk to about it, and i was happy i said something and even though i didn't want to email my tutor, he kinda helped me understand that they need to know. So i did...even though i regretted as soon as i sent it , so she emailed me back to arrange a meeting and i nearly vomited (which explains that message Charlie...sowwy!!)

At the moment the lotto here is heading for quite a big sum of money and if i won, the way i feel right now, i would get the hell out of here and never look back. I just feel like i need to escape, i need to get away from all this worry...the stress...everyone! I just feel down all the time and maybe i do need some help to deal with it...how/where do i get it??

~danis

Me

Angry
Confused
Hurt
Upset
Sad
Annoyed
Disillusioned
Hurt
Want to punch something
Want to punch someone
Want to cry
Want to shout
Want to run away
Want to forget
Want someone to make it better
Want to go back to when everything was normal
Hurt
Want to escape
Need someone
Want to lock the door
Need to feel something else
Need not to want to feel like this
Angry
Hurt
Want to curl up and forget
Want to not be me
Want it to be all a dream
Want to throw something
Confused
Want my life back
Want to not want to want so much that will never happen
Want everything to go back to normal
Want to forget
Want to live my life
Want to be rid of all this stress
Want someone
Want to be responsible for just me
Want someone to ask me how i am
Want to forgive
Want to be able to forgive
Want to hate
Want to love
Want to feel something else
Want a good day
Want a good week
Want a good month
Hurt
Angry
Confused
Want to leave
Want to be independent
Want to be alone
Want better friends
Want to be anonymous
Want to stand out
Want to blend in
Want something better
Want MY life back
Want that split second when you wake up and forget to last all day, all week, all month
Want to be heard
Want to be seen
Want to stop hurting
Want to feel good about myself
Want to stop thinking about others and think about me
Want to be able to cry
Want to be able to get angry
Want to be able to talk freely
Want to hate you so much but i cant
Want everything to go back to the way they were
Want to never forget
Want my life back
Want to do better
Want to live
Want to love
Want to forget
Want a chance to be me, just me
Want to live by myself
Want to stop feeling like this
Want things that are never going to happen
Want so much











Never getting it

formspring.me

questions anyone?? more random the better :) http://www.formspring.me/DanSimo

formspring.me

Bored..questions anyone? :) http://www.formspring.me/DanSimo

News..kinda

Ok so its not really news, but been a while since my last post and thought y'all need an update (not that much has happened)

Having really good fun on Snog, Marry, Avoid....gotten good few answers and seems ive found a husband! Awk me and this other fella seem to be marrying each other every other day, all in good fun ;)
Dont know if i told you lot anymore info about college and all that!

Thinking it over and over and i definitely want to do something with History, Archaeology and something along that area. Soo with that in mind, heres some places ive looked:

• Archaeology in University of Manchester
• Ancient History & Archaeology in University of Manchester
• Egyptology in University of Liverpool
• Egyptian Archaeology in University of Liverpool
• Archaeology of Ancient Civilisations in University of Liverpool (Think i may of mention this before!)
• Ancient History & Archaeology in University of Liverpool
• Classics in University of Liverpool (only saw this today and just looking at it, have it in for good measure)

Other places i looked at include Swansea University and University of Chester (which a reliable source told me isnt the best of places!). Im looking for places up north and city life, nowhere near London or south as i know too many people there...need an actual fresh start!!

I am looking at other places and getting information from all sorts of people, like i can ask Matty and Charlie about Liverpool and what its like living there, and what they think of some places ive looked at...cos to be honest they will have a better idea of the Unis than me :S Also found someone who is doing the Archaeology of Ancient Civilisation in L'pool and any questions about the course will be headed her way :)

Only thing left to do is to tell the fam *Cue Dramatic Music* See my plan is to, hopefully, get a job and work non stop until next August/Sept and then i should have enough money to fund me over there (that is if i get accepted!!) Maybe i will wait til i have said job and it will be better coming from me then, were this job is coming from i have no idea...

Thats all really for the mo, assignments getting on top of me and fighting off a cold/flu since Friday...it will appear at the worst possible time, i guarantee it!

Laters

~danis

formspring.me

Imma go for a few hours....lets be having some questions for when i get back :) http://www.formspring.me/DanSimo

Happy-ish :P

Not using this post to drag you down...gunna try and make it a happy/funny, if i can!!

Found a new-ish site the other day, become waaay too addicted to it. Snog, Marry, Avoid does exactly what it says on the tin, randomers get the chance to pick if they would snog or marry or avoid me....simples ;) Maybe they should commission a show like that.. Oh by the way, that link brings you to me...so gwan gimme a snog, or even marriage ;) Some real characters on it and some sexy fish too!!

oh and i rediscovered Formspring I joined it ages ago and forgot about it...so if you want to know more about me, ask away there. And if you're too shy you can do it anon! :)
Oh and talking about anon posts on formspring, that little fecker Matty planted a question on it to get me to come online cos he was bored...and then he has the nerve to call me a stalker! Pretty sure he will be reading this too cos he likes to check if he or charles get a mention, theres your mention and you can thank me whenever :P

Think thats all for now...love ya and leave ya. And Matt, ill be waiting for the thank you :P

~danis