Time for Change?

Dedicating this to Charlie Grange....hero after last night, listening to my ramblings and the advice. Also apologizing for the message, was a shock and made me sick...no harm intended, k? :) 

After reading that last post, and god i sound angry! I don't actually remember writing the post but reading it, i can definitely see i was really down

See i am feeling a bit, for lack of a better word, ugh...

Everything is just getting on top of me, am not dealing with it as i should but i don't know how to deal with it.

Last week was the worst week in a long time; my granny was in hospital for a mini-stroke and my dad didn't even tell me! My mams friend mentioned to her and that's how i found out, what kinda of way was that to be told. First thing i thought of was how my grandfather went into hospital at the same time with a mini-stroke and died of cancer five months later. Then to top of the week, Paul went to London for a weekend and didn't bother to tell anyone, even Deb...why did he do something like that? Why couldn't he just ring her and tell her, not that hard to do!! 

I just, feel so trapped, i am being attacked from all around and i cant defend myself...how do i cope, why do i have to cope?? Why cant i just fall apart...

I have all these stresses on my head and i cant deal with them, I'm finding it hard to deal with just one!

College isn't helping, i have so many assignments and i cant keep up with them. I have a presentation to do on sleep disorders, and usually i don't like doing presentations at all but because it was on something i can relate to i was going to try...but i cant. This is something that is adding to my near breaking load and its the only one i can remove.

I was talking to Charlie about it last night and he was an immense help to me, he told me to talk to someone about it and that i shouldn't keep it all bottled up....i know all this but i find it so hard to tell strangers stuff like that and id rather keep quiet and carry on. He was actually class to talk to about it, and i was happy i said something and even though i didn't want to email my tutor, he kinda helped me understand that they need to know. So i did...even though i regretted as soon as i sent it , so she emailed me back to arrange a meeting and i nearly vomited (which explains that message Charlie...sowwy!!)

At the moment the lotto here is heading for quite a big sum of money and if i won, the way i feel right now, i would get the hell out of here and never look back. I just feel like i need to escape, i need to get away from all this worry...the stress...everyone! I just feel down all the time and maybe i do need some help to deal with it...how/where do i get it??

~danis