Damn, Damn....You Were Here

Back, told ya i would be ;)

Ehh full on week, lotta work and an overactive mind!

Monday was the start of mam's three-day week so she was home, its nice to have her here more often..just pity its because of bad reasons :/ So day was me battering down over-grown nettles at the back of the back garden....i got stuck, all over!! But gotta say its great for letting out some built anger, which i have a lot of! After that pretty normal boring day, whats new on a Monday?

Tuesday was slightly better, with the sun beaming down on me! Epic fella that sun god...thanks Apollo, yup thanking the Greek Gods hah. Ehh had to paint the fence that surrounds the garden, thats a lot of fence! I'll try and get pic, and what happened to me....fricking nettle stuck me, came outta nowhere. Just not my friends :(

Today (Wednesday) was finishing off the fence, yeahh it took that long :/ Then my granny comes up with the great idea to paint the decking with the paint left over!! Now i love her but i swear sometimes she knows shes a pain and does stuff like this deliberately, so i did the decking...including the floor with a brush for painting a walll. My back is in bits :(
Thats all so far for the week so far, but more to come as i dive into the twisted, confused place that is my head ;)

Im beginning to hate myself....my body is so manky! Like i know im not huge but i dont like how i look. Since July started ive but on 3kg (just near half a stone) and i hate that! Im edging near and near to 70kg and i dont like that. Im starting to not eat and only eat small things, not eating my whole dinner and fasting for ages...think its the only way i can lose anything. Like today, had breakfast at 11, avoiding white bread i had rice krispies and tea. Then had dinner at 4, took half of the potatoes and ham off the plate and ate only half of what was there, havent had anything since which im very proud of :) Been drinking tea when ever im hungry, and its seems to be helping! yaaay hah :D

Ehh something iv only become aware of recently...i seem to be becoming very paranoid with people. Like what there real intentions are with me, why are they friends with me or in the case of others why are you interested in me...how could you be?!? Ive never felt like this, i always liked making new friends and like its fun to have someone to just talk to, but now its like im having a debate in my head why "insert name here" is friends with me/likes me.
Thinking about it, suppose ive reason for feeling like this...having a father who isnt really there and seems to be there out of obligation rather than wanting to be and then having a father figure who abandons us could be having a bad effect on me! :/

Well thats all for the mo, give ya some muzak to listen to whilst reading ;)

Avril Lavigne...got the album Goodbye_Lullaby and loving it, might sound cliche but, some of the songs really speak to me :D

Anyways over and out

~danis

Highway To....Somewhere?

Ok so yeah im like the worst person, I really do miss this and go through the day thinking  "should put this in the blog" and then forget or am too tired to remember...I sowwy guys! :( Will give y'all a run-down on my life since....erm...April?? (thats baaaad!)

Ehh college came and went, dragged more like but got through it with the intent of college in Sligo but thats now on the back boiler for at least a year...unless i get some kinda miracle! Yeah so another year here in Cavan....again

On the whole Deb & Paul situation, been pretty much the same and hes not coming back. I dont know how everyone else really feels about it, but for me if he did come back after 9 months i wouldnt want anything to do with him. Hes a stranger to me, only seem to see him every 5-6 weeks..if im lucky. So big changes here, maybe for the best??

Oh for the past week ive had the house to myself as they went on holidays and my dad also, randomly, went away same week so was truly on my own....loved it!! :) I was dog sitting but there was aunts house, so they were dumped there when annoyed with them hah. Loved being on my own...best company is yourself (tho not all the time) and making me want to move away from home so bad!! Alas i have keine geld *money* so cant be doing that...just dont think i can handle another year with granny and mam is now on three-day-week so tensions will be even heightened :/

But its not all doom and gloom with me, i do have news of great bounty ;) haha
I have met someone...now its not the most simple of relationships really,  kinda like a long-distance one...were neither of us has any way to see the other :S But somehow we are still texting, every day from when we wake to sleep...for the past 6 weeks (actually 6 weeks today!), i guess that means he likes me...right? Yeahh and i like him and all :P
 Like i know this will sound but i really mean it..... he really is the best thing thats happened to me in so long. Had such a crappy year and its refreshing to talk to someone who seems to like me for me....even if he does live in Offaly! Those that dont know...thats near 2 hours away and no direct way for us to get to each other. Tho upside....has like the sexiest accent, love talking to him ;) lol

Anyway all for now...heres whats playing on my ipod atm, depressing i know!! Bad timing lol
Laters :)
~danis