I know there is tons of people that have had truly traumatic things happen to them and are changed forever because if it. I'm not trying to say I'm like them, but I'm such a different person than i was last year. So much has happened to make me the person i am now. I don't like him very much.
I used to be the type of person who would be friendly with anyone, i wouldn't be the most popular person but i had enough friends. I enjoy other peoples company as long as they're interesting. But now I'm kinda wary on becoming friends with anyone, like its better than being a loner but I'm always on my guard and look forward to getting away from them. I question why they would want to be friends with me, or I'm looking for whats in it for them. All they might want is a friendship, but it takes me a while to see that, they have some mental hoops to jump through. Even then I'm still wary.
This kind of steams of the above. But the people in my life, the ones i care about, they are the only ones now. No newcomers. No back trackers. I would let anyone in and they could stay for as long as they (or i) wanted. The only way to describe me now is like there is an actual wall round my heart. Those that are behind it are with me for keeps, those in front have a very long wait before i could even begin to consider letting them in.
There is two holes in the wall, from escapees. One isn't that big but still weakens the wall, its repairable. The other one is pretty big. Its threatening everything i hold dear and it might be possible that i need to reinforce it. Get a guard dog, maybe two. I need to protect myself, i cant let him back in. No matter what happens in the future you're never getting back in. Ever.
One small problem, there is a third person. He is very important to me and i don't think I'm in any worry of loosing him. But I'm scared i might. I don't think i could handle more loss, especially not him. I'm just clinging on as it is...and that's a struggle. Again i don't think i am in danger of it happening, but i thought that about the other two too.
I don't seem to care about my own welfare anymore, I'm looking for anyone near me for a bit of fun. I am willing to meet anyone, for anything. Like i was never into slagging round, but its nice to feel wanted and sex is always fun! I know i shouldn't be saying that, but i like putting myself out there. The attention i get back is something i cling to and don't want to let go! Its like a drug and i love it
I don't want to stay this cold, detached and uncaring person. I don't like them people. I want to be able to listen to someone talk and actually listen, to want to have an interest in them. How am i meant to find someone, if i feel like i cant trust anyone anymore.
~danis
I used to be the type of person who would be friendly with anyone, i wouldn't be the most popular person but i had enough friends. I enjoy other peoples company as long as they're interesting. But now I'm kinda wary on becoming friends with anyone, like its better than being a loner but I'm always on my guard and look forward to getting away from them. I question why they would want to be friends with me, or I'm looking for whats in it for them. All they might want is a friendship, but it takes me a while to see that, they have some mental hoops to jump through. Even then I'm still wary.
This kind of steams of the above. But the people in my life, the ones i care about, they are the only ones now. No newcomers. No back trackers. I would let anyone in and they could stay for as long as they (or i) wanted. The only way to describe me now is like there is an actual wall round my heart. Those that are behind it are with me for keeps, those in front have a very long wait before i could even begin to consider letting them in.
There is two holes in the wall, from escapees. One isn't that big but still weakens the wall, its repairable. The other one is pretty big. Its threatening everything i hold dear and it might be possible that i need to reinforce it. Get a guard dog, maybe two. I need to protect myself, i cant let him back in. No matter what happens in the future you're never getting back in. Ever.
One small problem, there is a third person. He is very important to me and i don't think I'm in any worry of loosing him. But I'm scared i might. I don't think i could handle more loss, especially not him. I'm just clinging on as it is...and that's a struggle. Again i don't think i am in danger of it happening, but i thought that about the other two too.
I don't seem to care about my own welfare anymore, I'm looking for anyone near me for a bit of fun. I am willing to meet anyone, for anything. Like i was never into slagging round, but its nice to feel wanted and sex is always fun! I know i shouldn't be saying that, but i like putting myself out there. The attention i get back is something i cling to and don't want to let go! Its like a drug and i love it
I don't want to stay this cold, detached and uncaring person. I don't like them people. I want to be able to listen to someone talk and actually listen, to want to have an interest in them. How am i meant to find someone, if i feel like i cant trust anyone anymore.
~danis
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