...Thought Of Me?

Been a while i know! Turning into one of the people that only blog when theres a blue moon or a flying pig...oink!

Im confused...

So now theres two of them, I told ya about Ste....well now theres Aidan. Hes not just some random one, he was the first lad that i was texting and organising to meet and i dunno..maybe he is a bit special?

Aidan is a real different person now, like hes telling me things that i didn think he could or ever say before. Hes more open with himself and who he is, which is pretty cool :)

But then there's Ste...i like him, i mean i like like him! He may not be as open feelings wise but i dunno, theres something about him that makes me want to keep texting him...

Its his birthday on the 10^th (week away as of tonight!) and he is going up to Dublin for the night and has invited me too. Im looking forward to it, even tho this is our second time meeting. Texting near 10 weeks so feels like i already know him, so wont be as weird as it should be....right? Also if i still have enough money ,im thinking of going back to Tullamore with him for the night after. He doesnt know that yet tho ;)

Theres a festival on back home and Aidan is coming up for it, our mutual friends invited him up, so will be meeting him too. But for the “first time” and swear even thinking about it, i dunno how im not gunna start laughing. Im gunna slip up and call him Aidan...everyone calls him Fitzy, which i hate!! There also may be some fun going on with him that week too...maybe ;)

Also hes got a kinda boyfriend, who like him is bi and not out and they are planning to go to Paris at the end of the month. Only going out for 6 weeks...that not kinda sudden?

Last note on the boys Ste is single and Aidan is kinda taken, surely its not much of a choice right? How am i ok to be the other person with Aidan...the right choice is Ste, not that simple; Head says left, heart says right!

I have a problem...

Right as ya kinda guessed, i could be getting some kinda action in he next few weeks....cue the press-ups, crunches, etc.

Not to go into too many details but, i experienced something that i wouldnt want anyone to have to suffer, but while that was going on i had a kinda fuck buddy type friend. To me i kept the two things seperate because i wanted the fuck buddy, but the other thing i didn. Even tho after a while i started to look forward and want it....which i am still disgusted by. Where im going with this is that that stopped when i was 16 and ever since i havnt ever been intimate with anyone. Maybe i needed time to myself and deal with feelings i was having...i dont know. But the thought of doing anything with either of them both excites and terrifies me.

I want them...god sometimes the things Aidan says, i wish he was here doing me! But when it gets down to it, will i be able to? What if i cant because im scared what will happen, i remember things id rather forget and start to freak out? Its not something that you can easily slip into conversation, im just a little nervous of what i will do. Im seriously thinking of getting absolutely drunk in Dublin, so if something does happen i can blame the drink or i can be so pissed that i dont care whats happening round me.

Anyway thats all for now guys....back soon

~danis