I had the intentions of having a good post, but as usual my life is a complete and utter waste and decides to fuck me before i get here.
My mam and granny had a huge argument, and as usual it was over something minor but buried truths came out...hurtful ones
See my mam is a single mother, living with her mother (already off to a good start). Mam works in a factory and at that time worked on shift, so granny would mind me...considering i lived with her she had to See my granda died four years before i was born and i think, for granny, i was like a replacement for him. She had had other grandkids in four years, but i was living in his house and had his last name. I suppose it gave her a purpose again and someone depended on her. But there is a point when it starts to cross the line, and granny never sees it..
Well it all came out tonight....and in a way I'm glad it did, they never tell each other anything and carry on regardless, never asking for help. I know granny doesn't meant to, but she smothers me and makes mam feel like she doesn't have a say in my...like she isn't my mother!
Granny us always at me; Did you get something to eat? When will i be home? Will i make you dinner? Where are you going? When will you be back? Will you let me know? ARGGH I know she cares but she over compensates! And if any one should be doing it, asking them questions is my mother! Now i know granny is like a mother...but shes not my mother!! I love her like a mam and a lot more than my other granny but she needs to know where the boundaries are. That's another thing even if she steps back its too late, I'm 20 years old and i don't need all that mothering. I love mam for that she understands what its like, by my age she was already working 3 years.
Mam is independent and that's what i admire and love about her, she always put me first and now I'm older she is letting go, slowly but surely, shes got a fella and she never dated anyone when i was younger. Now I'm older she is getting a life for herself and she deserves to. Granny hasn't, or wont, she stays in the house all day and everyday. Week in, week out. She goes shopping with my aunt for an hour on Friday and goes to the pub for roughly three hours on Saturday and that's it..she needs to get out more often, shes starting to get paranoid.
I'm going to stop talking about this now, change of subject and much better news. My "sister" got engaged today!! :)
Shes my surrogate sister, by that i mean she isn't any relation to me but she might as well be my sister. She sent me a text saying "Letting you know ***** is going to be your brother in law, just got engaged!" I'm so happy for her, see she has Cystic Fibrosis and when she was diagnosed the doctors said she wont live past 21, and I'm happy to report shes celebrating her 30th in two weeks! The usual life expectancy of a person with CF, nowadays, is around 35 so i am so thrilled that someone is going to make her happy because she totally deserves it.
Of the three of my sisters, i would do anything for Prue...anything! Next down the line, Piper is one to have fun with, she is a great person and the mother of my nephew, Will. The youngest, Phoebe, is the one who I'm closest to, we really are like brother and sister and so alike. When i dropped out, after the usual people, i had to tell her. Turned out she wasted two years of college because she didn't like the course, but didn't want to tell anyone..so she got me when i said i wanted to drop out.
Anyone who wants any information about Cystic Fibrosis here's the link for ireland and the link for worldwide
And i little side note, remember Matty and Charlie? I had to stay up with Matt on MSN on Tuesday, Matt has problems sleeping, so i stayed up till 6am till Charlie came. I may have complained a lot to him, but i felt like i had to keep him safe till a real person could be there. The gratitude i got from both of them was so overwhelming, they really made me feel good...best friends i could ask for, even if i never met them! Anyway Matt's getting medication and is slowly on the road to recovery...wish either of them were online, need someone to talk to and make me laugh and forget everything (they are really good at it)
Hoping tomorrow brings some kind of calm
~danis
PS recently ive gotten an addiction to old 90s pop music like Spice Girls, S Club, Steps all the old stuff i love when i was younger. Maybe i miss the old times and listening to them to get back to a happy place.
No comments:
Post a Comment